I have not blogged lately because I have been dealing with a death in my family. It has only been five days now since he died, but how difficult to put into words what this means to me. It is a process of what was, what is not, and what will now be. It is those moments when a shock of recognition of the finality of it flow into my vision. It is the fodder of future writing.
It was night. I circled his bald head with my hand. Earlier when I did that he purred and turned his head towards his shoulder, eyes shut. Now there is nothing. Yet my other hand holds his hand and suddenly this dying person squeezes my hand twice. It was the last contact with another human being before he died. In the morning, it felt like those two squeezes were saying the most powerful words in a dying person's vocabulary: "good-bye."
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